Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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