I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
stop calling my apartment porn island.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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