i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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