I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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