so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
