he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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