He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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