I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I can text with my tongue
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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