I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
