Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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