Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
