You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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