do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
