So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
