the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
