Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
