i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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