Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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