that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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