I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's work?
Spinning.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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