if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
