someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
