thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The air was thick with penises
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
