never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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