His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
