I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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