And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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