I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
