I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
