Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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