I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
