Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
