i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
