im drinking this country out of the recession.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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