You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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