She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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