Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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