Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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