She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
