I love black thongs
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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