I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I had to cum in my sink.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
