omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
