Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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