She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize