I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
