Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
