I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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