I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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