Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
