i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
