I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
