There is no way he is gay with that hair.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
