The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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