The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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