I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
