I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
