Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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