then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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