I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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