I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Help. Why am I so naked?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
