gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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