Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
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One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.