Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life