i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
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All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
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You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.