I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
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I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
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You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk