Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.