no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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