she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
